May 29,1989

Beth had a dream, the night before.  She dreamt of a young red haired girl that died.  She was so moved and scared by this dream, that she was even afraid of driving that night.  I told her with great confidence that I would drive and not to worry.  So, Tamara, Beth and myself all got ready over at Beth's that night.  Tamara insisted on driving too.  So, we took two cars and went to the club.  

We got there, and the night started out slow.  Tamara and Beth ended up dancing and having a good time.  I pretty much got bored.  I was ready to go home, but I promised Beth I would drive her home, so I was prepared to wait it out.  After a couple of hours, Beth felt a certain comfort in riding home with Tamara.  She felt she was being silly.  Although, I didn't agree, she convinced me it was ok for me to go home.  I offered over and over to come back and take her home, no matter what time it was.  She declined.  So, she walked me out and what was most outstanding to me, was we NEVER said good bye to each other, ALWAYS "See you later" because, yes, because of the Bon Jovi song, Never Say Goodbye.  We had long talks about how final goodbye sounded.  Well, that night, she looked me straight in the eye and said "Good bye".  I said the same.  I turned around, and walked to my car.  I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong.  I went home, and went to bed.

2:00 am  BOING!!  I wake up out of a deep sleep and sit up in a fear.  IMMEDIATELY after I sat up, the phone rings.  It's my friend Tony.  "Oh my God. Oh my God. You're ok, it's not you.  Oh my God, thank you".  I said "Tony, what happened".  Tony tells me "There was an accident.  I thought it was you.  Oh my God.  Christine, I think someone might not have made it".  I said:

"Tony, I need you to come and get me.  It's Beth, I know it"

Tony came to pick me up, and took me to the accident site.  There was the fire department cutting my friend Tamara out of the car, as she was pinned in. Beth, died instantly.  I happened to arrive just in time to watch them taking the zipped body bag to car to take her to the morgue.  One of the other things that was happening at this point is Beth's family was showing up.  Her mother and her sister, Amy, who later ended up being one of my very best friends.  Amy continued to "console me", letting me know "She would be ok", or "it would be ok" but the way she said it, it seemed as if she didn't know Beth had died.  This was even more upsetting.  My GOD!  This poor sweet girl just lost her older sister.  

I ended up heading to the hospital to be there for Beth's family and to figure out what was happening to Tamara.  She was Life Flighted in.  When I got there, I saw Amy and she was a mess.  I think it hit her by that point, that Beth was gone.

I don't remember much about the rest of the night.  It was all a blur after that. 

This accident happened 20 years ago today and to date I can continue to tell you ever step of the evening.  This is one of the most impacting events in my life.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER HOME.  She might be with us today if I had.  I guess it was "her time".

I miss Beth so much, and think about her so often.  So, on this ugly and unfortunate anniversary, I raise my glass and toast a wonderful, beautiful, smart, talented and completely misunderstood beauty who left us way too soon.  I love you, Beth and I miss you dearly.

Never say goodbye, never say goodbye 
You and me and my old friends 
Hoping it would never end 
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye 
Holdin' on - we got to try 
Holdin' on to never say goodbye 
~ Jon Bon Jovi

Letting Go

Sometimes, you get so wrapped up in the day to day, that you believe in your mind that THIS is your comfort zone. Until, it takes a toll on you. At which point, you must be strong enough to say no and step outside of this zone. Once you do so, you MUST let go of that idea that you have left your comfort zone. Comfort in an illusion that you create. Create a NEW comfort zone leaving behind the negative or ugly that caused the previous zone to become, well..uncomfortable. But take with you the good.



Letting go can be a hard thing to do, but it is not impossible. The only thing to fear, is fear itself. Open your eyes, mind, spirit and soul to the wonders and opportunities that are still out there waiting for you to discover them.



I have been having...not a hard time, but a slower than expected time....letting go of the past 6 years of my life. I learned A LOT from two major sources during that time frame. The time is now to click on refresh and start again. It IS actually ok to refresh over and over and over.



We make choices during our lives...sometimes, the decisions we make end up being..eh, not so much wrong as not how we expected that choice to turn out. So, what you do is not wallow in despair of the decision, but turn around to your chalkboard and "chalk it up to experience" and move on.



Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. It means moving on.